There is a lot of misconceptions about gestational carriers and surrogacy. I’m not going to get into all the specifics but there are a lot of sites or information if you want to know more. These are two good books to start for you and your children.
Let me tell you about my specific experience.
After having my twins in 2005 I was in nursing school and would always joke with a friend of mine about carrying her baby for her. She wasn’t sold on the idea of being pregnant but did feel like she wanted kids. Fast forward years later to 2012 and I had my next baby in my arms. I started to think back to those conversations I had with my friend and began talking to my husband about being a surrogate. I started researching what was really involved and I learned the difference between being a carrier and being a surrogate. Egg donation seemed hard for me because I would then have someone out there who was genetically my offspring but that I would not be the mother of. Being a carrier meant I would just grow someone else baby. For some this would be the harder choice. For me it was simple and clinical. I was the oven growing the bun. I think being a nurse helped me to compartmentalize everything. Don’t get me wrong. I had an attachment to the baby I ultimately carried and to the family I was helping to grow. It was like being an aunt though. Its like when someone your close to is pregnant and you want to rub their belly because you care about the mom and baby. I had the pregnant belly but felt like the friend rubbing the bump.
The intended parents had done this before and already had a child that was almost three. They live internationally so we kept in contact mostly via Skype and email. They did visit at the beginning so we could meet and do required tests and meetings. They came again once I was successfully pregnant for the 20 week ultrasound. It took three round of IVF before we had a successful conception. They rented a place nearby when the due date was coming up and were present in the delivery room. Again I was able to be clinical about this process so it was not strange to have someone other than my husband in the room while I gave birth. I actually didn’t have my husband with me. We all came down with the worst stomach virus ever the week that I was due. I am sure it is what set me into labor. With John and the kids at home sick my in-laws took me to the hospital and stayed with me until after the birth. They also went back home to take care of my crew while I was laid up in the hospital. Want to know more about how to keep the stomach bug wrangled? Click here
We still keep in contact with our surrogate family, though not as often as I would like since life is so busy. They are a wonderful family of four and I love seeing the updates as the kids grow. To read more about the agency we used and how it works click here to read an article on my experience.